I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
