so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
