I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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