I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
