That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
