nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
