I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Randomize
