Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
