apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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