Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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