HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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