Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
