went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
