you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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