You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
