Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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