If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
