if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I pour the whiskey from now on
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
