Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
a search helicopter?!
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
