I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
