im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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