apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
