got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
