Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
