I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
