fuck your aforementioned shoe
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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