apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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