I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize