Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
