Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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