he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
