i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
