chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
