Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
