I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
