Taylor Swift is so right about you.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
