I must be too annoying 4 u.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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