I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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