i just google imaged poop.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
