i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
