that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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