in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
