Betty ford says i'm here all night
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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