Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
