Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
