i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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