She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
