I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
