Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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