If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
