is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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