found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I fill condoms, not promises.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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