i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
