I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
