fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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