guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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