just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
