Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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