did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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