saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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