just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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