hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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