I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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