if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
