I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize
