There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
