3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
