first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
