What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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