i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
