I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
