Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
