I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize