I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
