why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
