I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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