just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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