Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
