So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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