I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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