Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
