Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i would one night stand the shit outta him
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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