I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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