sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
