He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
