You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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