Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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