I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
