Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
