I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
